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Welcome to American Gold Star Mothers, Inc.
We're an organization of mothers who have lost a son or daughter in the service of our
country.
If you're a member of the public, we participate in many memorial events around
the country and you're welcome to join us.
If you've lost your child in the service of the country and would like the community of others in your situation, we
invite you to join
us. No one knows how you feel like another mother who has lost a
child.
If you're a member, keep up to date by checking the members section for the latest
news. There are also some interesting historical photos under Who We Are, Photos From the
Archives.
Remarks by AGSM President Ruth Stonesifer
American Gold Star Mothers Sunday
Arlington National Cemetery
September 27th, 2009
Distinguished guests, family and friends of the Gold Star Community,
thank you for coming today and sharing your time with us on this special
occasion.
The first time I came to Arlington National Cemetery, it was so many
years ago that I have forgotten whether I was wearing a Brownie uniform or
my green Girl Scout outfit. However, I do remember being mesmerized by the
ceremony of the changing of the guard in front of a big white marble stone,
the Tomb of the Unknowns. Our troop leader hurried us off to our next stop
before I could figure out what it was all about.
Years later -- after my brother had flown A7’s in Vietnam; after 11 years
as a Navy wife; and after seeing my two sons off to serve in the Army --my
sense of connection to the ceremonies and meaning of Arlington had grown.
But it wasn’t until my son Kris was killed on the first night of Operation
Enduring Freedom, a month after 9/11, that the deeper meaning of the
Changing of the Guard ceremony finally revealed itself: our nation has an
ironclad commitment to remember and honor its fallen sons and daughters.
We hold our Gold Star Mother Sunday ceremony steps away from the remains
of three unidentified soldiers, from the World Wars One and Two, and Korea.
They were lovingly placed here so our nation would always remember the price
we must sometimes pay for the freedom we enjoy at home and the freedom we
have purchased for others abroad. Gold Star mothers and families bear the
weight of that cost, and it is a lifelong burden.
Somewhere in our healing process, many of us experience moments of panic
that our sons and daughters will be forgotten. We place memory markers to
permanently verify the existence and passage of those bright spirits – the
children to whom we gave life and who once filled our hearts with hope and
joy. Many of us write down the family stories, and some of us tell them over
and over as a way to keep our loved ones alive in our thoughts.
My son was an avid student of philosophy who had no illusions about being
remembered with chisel and stone. He would have accepted the probability,
that in time, his story, just like all of ours, will fade as his family
evolves through the generations ahead.
I take great comfort in the knowledge that on these rolling hills -- as
on thousands of courthouse walls and in thousands of town squares and
community cemeteries -- our country strives to preserve the memory of all
our children who went to serve their country and didn’t return. I am
reassured by the knowledge that the Old Guard is still on duty 24 hours of
every day at the Tomb of the Unknowns.
This tradition has its roots in something George Washington wrote more
than two centuries ago,
“The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in
any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional as to
how they perceive the veterans of earlier wars were treated and
appreciated by their nation.”
In that spirit, as I help lay the American Gold Star Mothers wreath at
the Tomb of the Unknowns, I will be thinking about all the mothers since the
American Revolution to the present who saw their children off to war:
standing by garden gates with handkerchiefs clutched in their hands; or
waving goodbye at train stations; or driving home from the bus stop in
tears; or looking out the windows of airports until the planes bearing their
children took off. I am proud to have been a part of that long American
tradition.
I will be thinking about the soldiers resting under that Colorado marble
as only a mother can -- recalling the warm sweet smell of a newborn, the
soft sleeping sounds coming from a child's bedroom in the middle of the
night, the countless bruises and broken bones earned by a fearless child's
daredevil feats. I will be thinking of the summer night I watched my son
drive down the lane from my house into the dark, never to return.
My son’s story, all of our children’s stories, are part of those three
soldiers who, although unknown, all had mothers and families who felt the
same losses we share today.
No one could have imagined that the little girl in her scout uniform who
watched wide-eyed all those years ago as the Old Guard performed its
enduring ritual would one day be standing here giving voice to all the
mothers of the thousands of soldiers we have come here to honor.
A grateful nation remembers its fallen, and today we Gold Star Mothers
dedicate ourselves anew to the task of ensuring that none of our children
shall ever be forgotten.
Ruth Stonesifer
National President AGSM 2009-2010
Acceptance Speech by incoming AGSM President
Ruth Stonesifer, June 2009.
Thank you for the confidence you have placed in me to lead this
wonderful organization none of us ever wanted to become eligible to
join but we are grateful to have.
I am proud to follow in the footsteps of so many outstanding past
national presidents who have kept the organization viable over our
81-year history, especially the Vietnam era moms who did not get the
same public support we are getting today. Your journey has been
admirable in the face of those tribulations.
There are many to thank who have helped me in my gold star journey,
but for now, I will only single out a few. First to thank is my
family who at times have not fully understood my involvement with
AGSM but support me none the less. And to my significant other
Harvey, who seems to be invisible to you most of the time, but shows
his expertise on our website and sends me off to DC guilt free.
Thanks to Judith Young who encouraged me to participate on a
National level and patiently showed me the ropes of the inner
sanctum; we affectionately call the Mother ship in DC. Oh, the
computer skills I now have under my belt just as I am about to
become eligible for Medicare and a walker.
Thanks to Terry Davis who taught me that a few beers after the
meeting is the best way to end the day. She is one of the original
mavericks who showed me that the older moms have some confessions to
make and it really does not take a beer to get them to talk.
Now, one last thank you before I sound too much like a starlet
getting an Oscar.
Thanks to Barbara Calfee whose quiet wisdom has been a rock solid
countenance for me and I hope her mentorship will continue as I
speed through this coming year. I say speed because it seems like a
long steep learning curve to become the National President and once
you’re there-- a year that goes by too quickly.
I have been asked, “What possessed you to do this?” My answer has to
be my son Kris and lessons we try to instill in our children. You
know how we encouraged them to do new things, holding our breath
while they launched themselves down a steep incline in a contraption
built with leftover wheels, spit and duct tape. Thinking that we
should warn them about the heap of debris we will be extracting them
from in a few minutes at the bottom of the hill; but all the time
secretly wishing we were tucked in right behind them cherishing our
children’s giggles as they float by our ears.
At age nine, Kris’ contraption involved a rather long piece of rope
tied to the top of one tree and to the bottom of another several
yards away. It was too late to scream when I looked up from the
kitchen sink and saw him hop off the tree limb holding on to a small
blue cloth. It was only a matter of seconds until the rope burned
through his nylon gym shorts on his version of the Ranger slide to
life. At least I knew when he went to Ft Benning years later, that
their contraption had a huge lake to absorb the fall. I just had
another trip to the ER at age nine, ten, eleven. You get the
picture.
This was my son, Kris, fearless, bullet proof and invisible with
multiple broken bones to prove his daring. As a mom, I secretly
admired his audacity but lived in fear that one day I was going to
be arrested for child abuse if they really studied the medical
records closely.
One of my son’s ROTC buddies at the University of Montana described
him to me as… “Kris was the kind of guy who could talk you into
jumping off a steep cliff with him without a parachute just for the
sheer joy of the learning experience.
There you’d be in free fall with him grinning ear to ear at you, and
somehow you knew that just before hitting the ground; Kris would
help you find the knowledge to walk away unharmed. Then as you
strolled nonchalantly away, he’d say, ‘Wow, that was great, what
shall we try next?’” And you knew you would follow him back up to
some edge somewhere higher than the last one.
I think, as mothers, we all want to claim that we were the
inspirational mentor in all the amazing behaviors our children
exhibited. My motherly ego is no exception. However I realize that
now, I am the one learning from my son’s example. He was a quiet
natural born leader who never wanted to lead anyone but always
wanted to challenge himself to the next level of learning.
Before Kris died, I would have never been on the ledge ready to join
his leap of faith. I had this great safe plan mapped out for my
life. I was going to be in my basement making quilts for
grandchildren and avoiding the world. However the world slapped me
upside the head just after the events of 9/11 and Operation Enduring
Freedom began in Afghanistan on 19 Oct 2001 and Kris’ life was cut
short.
We as Gold Star Mothers, all amuse ourselves about our first serious
sit down talk when we finally catch up to our departed sons and
daughters in the other dimension. However after my initial ’what
were you thinking’ talk, I will have to thank Kris for the gift of
inspiration he bestows upon me each and every day. Without it, I
would still be at home sucking my thumb and not out in the world
learning and growing as a human being. He would want me to recognize
the open door and live up to my potential just as he did in his
short 28 years.
With that in mind, it is pretty sobering to be the first Operation
Enduring Freedom mother to take on the National Presidency of the
AGSM. As my son wrote in his journal, “Delightful anticipation is
worth the optimism.”
With this job’s awesome responsibility to the membership comes an
equal duty of homage to the legacy of all the Gold Star Mothers
since WWI. Studying our organization’s history has given me a
greater appreciation of those traditions, and the ability to
understand the reasonable debate by our newest members about those
rituals.
The newer mothers have overheard the concerns emanating from the
Vietnam Mothers. Some of you think that the new mothers haven’t a
clue what to do and handing over the reins of the organization to us
is a very scary proposition.
You may be right on all accounts, change is always scary. However
you must have heard the same comments whispered about you by the
World War II mothers as you stepped in when it was your turn to
assume responsibilities.
I surmise that you stumbled just like we will and already have. But
have confidence that your excellent example has not gone unnoticed.
Your journey has been amazing. Your son’s deaths occurred when this
Country seemed to turn its back on its Armed Forces. You quietly
earned the respect that we as gold stars moms now share by your
countless unsung volunteer hours and positive attitudes. To quote
Gandhi, you knew instinctively that, “The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Now it is our turn to prove our worth. The newer members ask you
again to step up to the plate again to help us find our missions.
Teach us to become all that we can be as we leap off the cliff and
soar with the eagles. Give us the parachute when we need it.
Remember the patience you had with your children as you dusted them
off, do the same for us and send us out in the world to succeed
again and again. We in turn will be called on to do the same for the
moms who, unfortunately, will follow us.
I am a firm believer that my son’s death as he served his country
made him a hero, not me. When I meet up with him in that great
reunion , I want my son to be as proud of me as I am of him, and
I’ve got a lot of catching up to do on that score. We have missions
we have not even dreamed of yet.
I feel blessed to have so many Gold Star mothers on my National
Executive Board posed on the cliff ready to inspire me, to envision
the dreams, and then to make them reality. Let us find ourselves
together by helping others and we in turn will benefit spiritually
from our reluctant journey we have been given as Gold Star Mothers.
Be inspired, then make it happen.
Ruth Stonesifer
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