Remarks by AGSM President Ruth Stonesifer
American Gold Star Mothers Sunday
Arlington National Cemetery
September 27th, 2009

Distinguished guests, family and friends of the Gold Star Community, thank you for coming today and sharing your time with us on this special occasion.

The first time I came to Arlington National Cemetery, it was so many years ago that I have forgotten whether I was wearing a Brownie uniform or my green Girl Scout outfit. However, I do remember being mesmerized by the ceremony of the changing of the guard in front of a big white marble stone, the Tomb of the Unknowns. Our troop leader hurried us off to our next stop before I could figure out what it was all about.

Years later -- after my brother had flown A7’s in Vietnam; after 11 years as a Navy wife; and after seeing my two sons off to serve in the Army --my sense of connection to the ceremonies and meaning of Arlington had grown. But it wasn’t until my son Kris was killed on the first night of Operation Enduring Freedom, a month after 9/11, that the deeper meaning of the Changing of the Guard ceremony finally revealed itself: our nation has an ironclad commitment to remember and honor its fallen sons and daughters.

We hold our Gold Star Mother Sunday ceremony steps away from the remains of three unidentified soldiers, from the World Wars One and Two, and Korea. They were lovingly placed here so our nation would always remember the price we must sometimes pay for the freedom we enjoy at home and the freedom we have purchased for others abroad. Gold Star mothers and families bear the weight of that cost, and it is a lifelong burden.

Somewhere in our healing process, many of us experience moments of panic that our sons and daughters will be forgotten. We place memory markers to permanently verify the existence and passage of those bright spirits – the children to whom we gave life and who once filled our hearts with hope and joy. Many of us write down the family stories, and some of us tell them over and over as a way to keep our loved ones alive in our thoughts.

My son was an avid student of philosophy who had no illusions about being remembered with chisel and stone. He would have accepted the probability, that in time, his story, just like all of ours, will fade as his family evolves through the generations ahead.

I take great comfort in the knowledge that on these rolling hills -- as on thousands of courthouse walls and in thousands of town squares and community cemeteries -- our country strives to preserve the memory of all our children who went to serve their country and didn’t return. I am reassured by the knowledge that the Old Guard is still on duty 24 hours of every day at the Tomb of the Unknowns.

This tradition has its roots in something George Washington wrote more than two centuries ago,

“The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional as to how they perceive the veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation.”

In that spirit, as I help lay the American Gold Star Mothers wreath at the Tomb of the Unknowns, I will be thinking about all the mothers since the American Revolution to the present who saw their children off to war: standing by garden gates with handkerchiefs clutched in their hands; or waving goodbye at train stations; or driving home from the bus stop in tears; or looking out the windows of airports until the planes bearing their children took off. I am proud to have been a part of that long American tradition.

I will be thinking about the soldiers resting under that Colorado marble as only a mother can -- recalling the warm sweet smell of a newborn, the soft sleeping sounds coming from a child's bedroom in the middle of the night, the countless bruises and broken bones earned by a fearless child's daredevil feats. I will be thinking of the summer night I watched my son drive down the lane from my house into the dark, never to return.

My son’s story, all of our children’s stories, are part of those three soldiers who, although unknown, all had mothers and families who felt the same losses we share today.

No one could have imagined that the little girl in her scout uniform who watched wide-eyed all those years ago as the Old Guard performed its enduring ritual would one day be standing here giving voice to all the mothers of the thousands of soldiers we have come here to honor.

A grateful nation remembers its fallen, and today we Gold Star Mothers dedicate ourselves anew to the task of ensuring that none of our children shall ever be forgotten.

Ruth Stonesifer
National President AGSM 2009-2010

Remarks by The Honorable Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric K. Shinseki
American Gold Star Mothers Sunday
Arlington National Cemetery
September 27th, 2009
(As Prepared)

Mrs. Stonesifer—no one could more eloquently, more persuasively, or more meaningfully explain what today is about and why we are all here, than you just did.

I am reminded that during the dedication of the Gettysburg National Cemetery on November 19, 1863, a well-known orator of the time, Edward Everett, spoke for two hours. His speech was well-received at the time, and the man who followed him to the podium, Abraham Lincoln, was worried that his brief remarks—about 270 words—would not measure up. In fact, as President Lincoln rode the train back to Washington, he considered his Gettysburg Address a failure.

A few days later, the President received a letter from Edward Everett, which stated,

“I should be glad, if I could flatter myself that I came as near to the central idea of the occasion, in two hours, as you did in two minutes."

The rest, we know, is history.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I promise I will not speak for two hours. I am following a masterfully eloquent speech that has captured the central idea of this occasion in its brilliance, its passion, and in parental love.

Ruth Stonesifer and I first met in late October 2001, during a phone call no parent wants to take, and I, as Army Chief of Staff, did not ever wish to make. I tried to call as many families, as I could, of Soldiers lost during my tenure as Chief; to try to express the inexpressible; to try to assuage the un-bearable; and to say ‘Thank you’, when no measure of gratitude could ever fill the void left by the death of a child given in service to the Nation.

At a time of a parent’s deepest grief, when my call was an intrusion in their anguish, mothers and fathers, like Ruth Stonesifer, shared their hearts with me; helped me through my own sorrow; and made me even prouder of their children. Ultimately, it was I, who was consoled in those calls. I don’t know what would have happened if that first phone call had not gone well, but Ruth Stonesifer was so strong, so generous, and so comforting that I went on to reach out to as many families of the fallen as I could.

A few minutes ago, Ruth Stonesifer said, “Somewhere in our healing process, many of us experience moments of panic that our sons and daughters will be forgotten.” Faced with similar concerns early in the last century, Grace Darling Seibold was spurred to action, after her son, First Lieutenant George V. Seibold, died in aerial combat over France during World War I. She was determined to preserve her son’s memory, and the memories of all of America’s sons, and daughters, who die in service to their country.

Grace Seibold’s granddaughters, Teddy and Bambi, are here today. I’m sure they can testify to their grandmother’s perseverance and patriotism. It must have come naturally to her. You see, her family’s line of military service extended back to the Revolutionary War, and her father, Edward Washburn Whitaker, was a Medal of Honor recipient for heroism during the Civil War. He was buried here 87 years ago, in Section 3, not far from where we stand. We have not forgotten him; we have not forgotten Mrs. Seibold’s son, George; we have not forgotten Ruth Stonesifer’s son, Kris. We have not forgotten any of your children—not here at Arlington, nor at any of the 130 VA National Cemeteries for which I serve as steward.

In her acceptance speech as President of the American Gold Star Mothers, Ruth Stonesifer reached out to the mothers of sons killed in Vietnam. She said, “You quietly earned the respect that we, as Gold Star moms, now share by your countless unsung volunteer hours and positive attitudes. To quote Gandhi, you knew instinctively that, ‘the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others’.”

To all Gold Star Mothers, your sacrifice, your care and comfort for each other and for Veterans, and your honoring the legacy of freedom that your children have guaranteed to future generations of Americans, are wonderful examples of Gandhi’s counsel. The Gold Stars reflect your courage, your commitment, and your never-ending vigil in memory of your sons and daughters.

In 1998, Gold Star Mother, Theresa Davis, wrote a letter to her eldest son, Richard, a Green Beret with the 5th Special Forces Group, who had died thirty years earlier at age 19, in Vietnam. In her letter, she wrote of her new-found mission as a Gold Star Mother. I’d like to read just a portion of her letter to Richard:

“It’s been a long time, my son. I still miss you…. They gave you a Silver Star. Now they call me a Gold Star Mother. I spend a lot of time with the other Gold Star Mothers. Every Monday night, a group of us go to the homeless shelter for Vietnam vets. I know if it was you in that position, I would want someone to do the same. I guess that’s what moms do . . . We try to give them support—talk to them like a mother would talk to a son…. Dick, I’m sure wherever you are up there, you approve of what I’m doing….”

To all of our Gold Star Mothers—you have earned the Nation’s deep respect and admiration for what you do every day on behalf those you loved and lost . . . And for what they did for this Nation and for freedom-loving people around the world.

Your sons and daughters selflessly gave their last full measure of devotion to America. Their sacrifices live on in your giving hearts and your helping hands as America’s Gold Star Mothers.

On behalf of a grateful Nation, thank you, and May God bless you and your families. May God continue to bless this wonderful country of ours, and the men and women, who serve and have served her to keep us the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Thank you.